This week I presented a podcast with Philippa Perry, author of ‘The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will be Glad That You Did).’ The podcast is part of the GDST series Raise Her Up, where every fortnight guests are interviewed on the topics of parenting.
For this episode, we discussed parenting siblings through conflict and fair treatment. Very quickly, the conversation turned to siblings in school and how we, as educators, work alongside children from the same families. Siblings in school can be an interesting challenge.
There are many strengths to having siblings in school. However, we sometimes see situations of sibling rivalry. At this point, it’s really important as adults to intervene and support (as we would with any conflict in a school). Depending on the situation, we would refer to our behaviour policy, like a parent would in terms of house rules. We would look at restoration and ask the siblings to come up with their own solutions to a problem – in the home a parent would mediate and listen to both sides. It is important to teach children that conflict can be a normal (and safe) part of having a relationship. By not comparing children to each other, it is easier to avoid competition between them and keep them both feeling valued and cared for.
My first piece of advice to any teacher who works with siblings, is don’t compare and never pre-empt. No two children are the same, and where one might light up a room with her musical talent, another may be an incredible mathematician. I think it is about creating that level playing field for all young people and giving them that equal opportunity to be who they are, without any hang ups about who they are expected to be. As teachers we must always celebrate the person in front of us, and really know our students for all their different strengths and individualities. Not for whom we presume they are as a result of their brother or sister.
Growing up with a sibling prepares someone for all roles in life. You learn how to look out for someone else and help them with their wellbeing. You learn that you can make mistakes and be forgiven, so it’s ok to challenge yourself. You learn to work as a team and the importance of negotiation. You learn how to forgive and care unconditionally, and that there’s strength in unity.
I do not necessarily believe that being a sibling is an exclusive privilege – they say that ‘close friends are the family you choose.’ It is up to you who you invite to be a part of your family kitchen table. That might include a blood sibling, but it also might include a best friend who you can share all those salient sibling values with as well.
The concept of sisterhood is something that we really encourage at school, and especially in a girls’ only school. We talk about the close bond and forever connections that you can build with another person in life. My best friend from school has been in my life since I was six and when we are together that sense of longevity feels as though she is family. At Bromley High School, the girls will share a sense of belonging as they are part of the same place. We teach the girls the importance of accepting the individual and celebrating the growth in others.
Being a good sister is about having the same qualities as being a good friend. Loyalty would be one such quality. Honesty might be another – sisterhood is about trusting someone and knowing that they will stick with you. Showing compassion to someone is a quality of sisterhood we would all benefit from. Listening well. Laughing together. Working together for a common cause. So, by encouraging our girls to raise each other up, to help each other and raise awareness of the GDST network, we are promoting those values of sisterhood all the time.
Mrs Emily Codling, Headmistress